I've been wanting to post an entry for the last few weeks, but I just never seem to have the time and the energy to do it. Today, however, I have both. I'm on a business trip to Indianapolis and with the FAA computer system problem this morning have been bumped to a later flight. Nothing like killing 5 hours in an airport.

 

I just re-read my last entry, and that whole part at the end about maybe things slowing down - HA! I think regular life is just crazy busy now - we don't have to have guests, birthdays, or anything else to send us into a daily tailspin. I have been really struggling to cope with life these days, and while I know that things won't always be so insane, that's not a lot of practical help in the here and now. I feel like I had an absolutely smooth transition after Kate was born - you hear about and talk to women who just struggle to handle the impact of the birth of their first child, but I never had that (and I'm not just looking through rose colored glasses, it really was easy for me). She came, and all was good - different, but good. Yeah, that has not repeated with Eric. Adding a second child is far more complicated than adding the first one (as many of you know), and it's all just exacerbated 1000-fold by working full time (remember, I stayed home with Kate for 17 months). I don't really see any way(s) to substantially improve our daily operation, so I have decided that I need to instead improve my approach (mental and emotional) to get me through this time until things naturally get a little easier. I've been doing a lot of reading on The Happiness Project blog, and I'm going to be starting my own happiness project soon. I've been thinking about it a lot, but I need to be a little more firm in my commitment to get things written down and then to really embrace the effort. One of my 2009 New Years resolutions was to find a way to be happy in my life, and I would say that I haven't made much progress. Sorry this is a down paragraph, but this is pretty much always on my mind. I don't think I'm depressed, just in a funk. Of course I think it's only fair to point out that postpartum hormones and chronic sleep deprivation are not helping on this front.

 

With all that said, things are going pretty well. The kids are doing great. Kate is a constant source of entertainment (kids do say the funniest things), and she amazes us with her growth on a daily basis. Eric is getting really big and is at the beginning of the fun baby stage. We've been working a lot with him on rolling over, but he just doesn't seem to have much interest. I think he's going to sit up early like Kate did, so we've been working on that too. We pulled out the jumperoo for him last week, and he has nailed the technique. It's so cute to watch him dancing around, and it really emphasizes how much he's grown. He's still a pretty touch and go sleeper - some days are good, some not so good. His overnight sleep is horrendous and has deteriorated over the last month. He's down for the night by 7:30 and up at 12, 3, and 6. *sigh* All that eating does explain why he's gotten so chubby!!  The pediatrician has recommended introducing cereal to help him sleep, but I'm not a fan of that idea; he just is too young still. Maybe in another month we'll start. He's really a very cute, good baby. Kate is still doing fine with him - her general approach is to ignore his presence. I guess that's better than being jealous, and I do think that once he can play more with her she'll engage with him more. I don't think that she doesn't like him per se - she shows great concern for him and you'd better explicitly include him when you say that we are all going to do something together - but he just doesn't interest her right now. There are too many princess thoughts running through her head to worry about a little brother! He is often Prince Eric, and I can't wait for the day when she actually tries to make him look, in some way, like a prince. *lol*

 

Work is great right now. I feel like I've really come into my own in the last month, and people are noticing. I loved working for Sarah, but she was a very dominant (not dominating) presence in our company, so when the two of us were together I didn't typically have an opportunity to drive conversations/activities/strategies/etc. My new boss is much quieter, and I think that to some extent she's interested in seeing how I perform when she doesn't interfere, so I feel like I've been given this huge expansion in my responsibilities even though they really haven't changed that much - I'm just better able to truly take the lead now on things that Sarah and I previously co-owned. So, I guess in some ways having Sarah leave has been good for me. That certainly doesn't mean that I don't miss her on a daily (hourly!) basis, but there is a silver lining to the situation. In any case, I think my recent performance at work has had a big impact and has impressed a lot of people - I've been getting a lot of praise recently, so that feels really good and helps to mitigate some of my ever-present guilt about working full time.

 

The holidays are just around the corner and I, as always, feel completely unprepared. I don't have a clue what I'm giving anyone for Christmas, so that's not a very good situation. My mom is going back to Rochester next week while Jay and I are off for Thanksgiving, so our holiday is, oddly, not going to be family oriented. We have some friends in Annapolis that we invited for dinner, so I think it'll be a fun day but unlike any other Thanksgiving Jay and I have had - we always have had a family day, whether we traveled, had guests, or even went to my aunt's family's gathering. I'm bound and determined to send out Christmas cards this year - partly to assuage my guilt at having not sent birth announcements for Eric - so I need to get cracking on finding holiday outfits and scheduling family photos. I can't wait to start receiving the holiday cards from our friends and family around the country, it's really one of my favorite things this time of year. 

 

Oh, I almost forgot - I had swine flu the week of Halloween! What a pain in the neck!! I was out of work for 4 days and was sick all Halloween weekend. Miserable timing - I missed our block party, a traditional neighborhood Halloween festival, and trick or treating. We were, of course, most concerned about Eric getting sick, so I didn't hold him for 6 (yes, that's right, 6!!!!) days. CRUMMY. My milk supply plummeted while I was sick, so my mom and Jay had to really dip into the frozen stock. And now I'm out of town on business, so they had to do it again. End result: Eric is getting his first bottle of formula this afternoon.  It makes me really sad although I of course recognize that there's nothing wrong with a bottle of formula. Luckily I'm bringing home lots of milk that can be frozen - thank goodness the TSA regs have changed to allow it through security! I'm not sure the screener was so happy about having to come face to face with the milk, though (it's funny how uncomfortable it makes people).  My hotel was awesome and put yesterday's milk and my ice pack in their restaurant's freezer overnight; I may have to send a thank you to the manager. Anyway, I'm totally bummed about Eric needing formula, but I guess that means he'll be even happier to see me when I get home (whenever that might be - a little over two hours to go before my departure...).

 

So, that's it from me. Now I can check that "blog" item off of my to do list.